Charity Shops (v4.0)
by Mollie Baxter
Ever wondered what lies behind the curtained areas in charity shops, or beyond that Staff Only door?
It is a terrifying sight. Rows of tanks, filled with luminous green liquid, clone the old ladies to work the tills during shop hours. DNA taken from the donated cardigans is used to bud and grow the workers.
At half-past four the old ladies need to regenerate. They return to tanks powered by coppers and silver coins. Charity shops rarely have spare change.
There's usually an amusement arcade nearby. Go and check the 2p machines and the one-armed bandits - See that cable running under the carpet? Slash it and you would see green, luminous liquid seep like blood across the carpet. Samples tested for Senokot and Rennies will show positive. Somewhere, in a charity shop nearby, a member of staff will begin to gurgle.
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